Each semester, the Writing University hosts the 5Q Interview series with authors from the University of Iowa Press. We sit down with UI Press authors to ask about their work, their process, their reading lists and events. Today we are speaking with Shelly Mazzanoble, author of How to Dungeon Master Parenting (University of Iowa Press, 2024).
Shelly Mazzanoble is coauthor of Welcome to Dragon Talk: Inspiring Conversations about Dungeons & Dragons and the People Who Love to Play It (Iowa, 2022). When not writing about her life as a part-time sorceress, Mazzanoble writes about parenting, reality TV, and the humorous side of middle-age life in her weekly Substack, Middle-Aged Lady Mom (shellymazzanoble.substack.com). She lives in Seattle, Washington.
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1. Can you tell us a little bit about your new book How to Dungeon Master Parenting?
Even though I have played Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) for years and work for the game’s publishers, I resisted the call to be a Dungeon Master (DM) believing it would be too hard, too out of my comfort zone, and I didn’t know the rules well enough to be any good at it. (All of those are stereotypes and actually not true, by the way.) Then one afternoon my friend told me her 9-year-old twin daughters wanted to learn how to play and I was utterly unprepared for what came out of my mouth.
I said, “I will teach them.” And off I went to be a Dungeon Master. I had so much fun that a few months later I started and ran the first ever D&D club at my son’s elementary school. I spent a lot of time corralling, inspiring, collaborating, empathizing, empowering, guiding, teaching, and granting bathroom breaks to 4th and 5th graders and realized how similar the role of Dungeon Master was to being a parent.
They say babies don’t come with rulebooks, which got me thinking — but what if they did? I wondered what would happen if I approached parenting with the same creativity, generosity, and passion that a DM approaches a game. Turns out, you can learn almost anything from a Dungeon Master and yes that includes what is perhaps the most challenging quest of all time — parenting.
HOW TO DUNGEON MASTER PARENTING uses the tenets of the world’s greatest roleplaying game (and lots of humor because laughing through the hard stuff is key to survival) to help parents and parents-to-be master — or rather— Dungeon Master parenting. But even if you have never rolled the iconic 20-sided die or cast a magic missile, you can still level-up your parenting game just by thinking like a Dungeon Master.
What equipment do you need to start your newborn adventure? How do you find a parenting-adventuring party? How do you determine your child’s alignment and thus figure out what to do with a chaotic neutral child? You’ll find all that and more inside!
2. What was the inspiration for this work?
I guess you could say my own blinding insecurities! As a parent, you can’t help but wonder if you’re doing it right, where you’re falling behind, is everyone having more fun than you, do these kids even like me??? I think that way as a parent and a Dungeon Master. (At least I can bribe the kids in the D&D club with candy to earn their favor.) Most parents and Dungeon Masters have these insecurities. We all just really want to do a good job! See? The similarities are eerily close!
As a veteran parent of eleven years, I am filled with unsolicited advice and love telling new parents all the things I wish someone had told me like, “You don’t need to know all the answers!” and “You can’t possibly have a solution for every possible, far-fetched scenario!” and “Anxiety is your baseline now, get used to it!” Sure it’s important to know basic skills like how to install a car seat, and infant CPR, and how to change a diaper without getting peed on, but there’s also a lot on the job training. Overprepping just makes parents more anxious and nervous, not to mention takes all the fun out of watching your kids (or players) “level-up.” That’s what your instincts are for. And yes, there are plenty of fun parts!
Some of the best DMs I know prepare very little before a game and it’s not because they don’t care or are lazy. On the contrary! It’s because they know the game belongs to the players. It’s everyone’s story at the end of day. Not knowing where the story will go or how the dice will roll is where the fun is. Dungeon Masters go into every session with an open, curious mind and an adventurer’s spirit. They welcome the unexpected which might be the hardest, but best lesson for parents to master.
3. Do you have any plans for readings or events for this book, either in person or virtual?
Part of the publicity plan I’m most excited about is getting to talk to many D&D podcasters and creators. Our community is rich with passionate, dedicated, talented people whose work I have admired for years. Greg Tito and I interviewed many of them on Dragon Talk, the official D&D podcast, and it’s really fun (and much more relaxing) to be on the other side!
4. What are you reading right now? Any books from other university or independent presses?
Are middle-aged women having a moment right now or is it me? I feel like it’s our Hot (Flash) Girl Summer! The last two books I read both had middle-aged women protagonists (All Fours by Miranda July and Sandwich by Catherine Newman). It was refreshing to be kept up at night for a book and not just a hot flash!
I have a huge pile of books on deck including University of Iowa Press’s very own Attachments: Essays on Fatherhood and Other Performances which I’ve heard wonderful things about and can’t wait to start.
5. What is your writing routine? Do you have a daily routine?
My daily writing routine is a nightly writing routine. I work my job by day and then after dinner, errands, house stuff, and enacting my duties as publicist, social programmer, and Chief Uber Officer for my son, I write for a few hours until it becomes irresponsibly late for this night owl to function in the morning.
Even when I’m not writing, I’m thinking about it. I leave myself notes throughout the day for story ideas or edits. I usually wake up thinking about writing with one of those stories or edits already in progress. It’s like interrupting a conversation and being like, “Hey guys, what are you talking about? Oh no, I need to write this down!” If time permits, I’ll try to get a little writing done with my coffee before starting the day. It’s a lovely way to set the tone for the rest of the day.
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Thank you so much!