From the Iowa Prison Writing Project
When you look me in the eyes what is it
that you really see?
Can you see a man full of rage, a man full of
loyalty or a man diseased?
I live throughout my existence a fugitive of
myself cause from a youth I’ve been in dispair,
I once had family and friends to support me
mentally but as time passed I found out they
didn’t care.
Time!
Time is my torment dedicated to the lesser me
Where I’m insufficient of success no matter
how hard I fly to achieve,
I hold love in my heart and try to do good but
doing the right thing is discomforting so I’m left
blind and don’t know which way to see.
We are all told from a youth to find and follow
the path of righteousness.
and I learned along the way that nothing is as
it seems as it ain’t what it is but something
far complex.
Lessons are best taught through time but
someone one told me that somethings are
best left unsaid.
So everyday I wonder if times will get better
as I bow then prostrate Arm, Leg, Leg, Arm,
Head.
Time!
In time as humans how do we know when
We’ve had enough for our lone Souls to
bear?
I’ve been tired and tried every which way a
Man can handle and still it’s in hell I stare.
Where do I find the will to live when my days are numbered?
Will I ever find happiness which its in Prison I
Slumber?
When will enough be, When I lay dead void
of life?
because I’ve had to much living in anguish
and in constant strife.
I’m bone tired of being locked up and locked
down while waiting for better days to come
around.
I continue to pray to make it through the day
I hear the door slam and hear welcome as the
Sound.
Can a Man actually live when he feels like
he has a hollowed Soul?
he’s walking uphill with no destination feeling
like he’s got nowhere to go?
Can a man be a man if he’s full of heartache
and full of emptiness?
Can he be whole when he’s a quarter left
from falling short of bliss?
How do I achieve what it means to achieve?
how do I prove to everyone that I’m giving
the best of me?
How do I expel within myself if my constant
negative thoughts?
how do I live in the present when the man of
my past is who I sought?
Who and how do I ask for help?
Who, cause I can’t trust myself.
Will I ever feel at ease when I struggled all
my life?
Will I ever feel at ease within myself when I
feel like I have no breathe to fight?
Where and how so I find the man inside and
accept him for who he truly is?
Whatever I may be I need to try something
else cause I can’t keep thinking like this.
I try to stay optimistic as my misery overpowers
my institutionalized mind.
but some way or the other I get sucked
back down into the chaos of anxiety where
I’m left none too kind.
Time!
It’s safe to say that time in the mental is
my inner selfs worse enemy.
Who’s intelligent planning my demise, slowly
watching my soul bleed.
Time!
Time is the lesson learned from which I had
thought I’d never see,
time in its span for all is temporary but for
me is a lesson that won’t succeed.
So late night into the early morning when it’s
quiet and I’m completely at ease,
I pay for all who’s as the same as me,
locked up and locked down wishing to go home
to our family.
Free!